Healing from Within: The Connection Between Autoimmune Disease and Emotional Health

Mollie Guillemette | Nov 22, 2024

The human body is designed to protect itself. Yet, for millions of women living with autoimmune diseases, the body turns against itself, launching an internal war that leaves them struggling with pain, exhaustion, and a host of life-altering symptoms. Women account for 80% of autoimmune disease cases—a staggering statistic. Why? Renowned physician and trauma expert Gabor Maté suggests that the roots of autoimmune conditions often lie in relationships and environments where emotional needs are ignored, suppressed, or manipulated.

This isn’t just about biology. It’s about the emotional landscapes we navigate, the dynamics we internalize, and the way society conditions women to prioritize others over themselves. For many, healing begins not in the doctor’s office but in reclaiming emotional boundaries and rewriting the roles that have been imposed on them.

The Link Between Trauma and Autoimmune Disease

Autoimmune diseases—conditions where the immune system attacks the body it’s meant to protect—are complex. While genetics and environmental factors play a role, emotional health is a critical, often overlooked piece of the puzzle.

Dr. Gabor Maté posits that women with autoimmune diseases frequently share a history of being taught to suppress their emotions, especially anger. In families and relationships where they are expected to prioritize others’ emotional needs, women may learn to:

Suppress Anger: Expressing anger is often met with shame, rejection, or punishment. Over time, this suppression becomes internalized, creating a disconnection from one’s own emotions.
Take Responsibility for Others: Women may feel obligated to manage the emotions of those around them, taking blame when others are upset and absorbing emotional burdens that aren’t theirs to carry.
Endure Emotional Abuse: Gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and criticism reinforce the idea that their needs are secondary. This dynamic often leads to chronic stress—a major trigger for autoimmune diseases.

This cycle of suppression and self-abandonment has physical consequences. Chronic stress impacts the immune system, causing inflammation and other responses that can trigger autoimmune diseases. The body reflects what the mind endures.

The Cost of Breaking Free

For those entrenched in such dynamics, making a change can feel insurmountable. It often requires more than setting boundaries; it means redefining relationships entirely. The decision to prioritize oneself—to stop carrying the emotional weight of others—can provoke backlash.

In my personal experience, I’ve been emotionally cut off, shamed, gaslit, attacked, criticized, guilt-tripped, and bullied in every relationship when I’ve made the change to show up differently. Abuse trained me to behave this way, and others reinforced that I was only valuable if I allowed them to treat me this way. But it has made me sick. Whether others see it or not, support me or not, I am changing because it is literally killing me to continue this way. Even if I have to walk away from everyone.

Why Change is So Hard for Others

When one person changes their behavior in a relationship, it forces others to confront their own patterns. Suddenly, they can no longer project their emotions or avoid their issues. This shift is uncomfortable, and some may resist by doubling down on harmful behaviors.

Denial: Instead of acknowledging their actions, they may deny responsibility and blame the person setting boundaries.
Attack: Emotional cut-offs, criticism, and bullying may escalate as a way to regain control.
Manipulation: Guilt-tripping or gaslighting may be used to pressure the boundary-setter back into their previous role.

This resistance can leave the person making these huge changes to their life feeling isolated and unsupported, but as painful as it is, it’s often necessary for healing.

The Courage to Prioritize Your Health

For women whose emotional suppression has led to illness, prioritizing themselves isn’t selfish—it’s lifesaving. Breaking free from toxic dynamics requires immense courage, especially when it means walking away from people who refuse to respect boundaries.

This journey involves:

Recognizing the Patterns: Acknowledging the emotional abuse and manipulation that have shaped behaviors and beliefs.
Setting Firm Boundaries: Deciding what is and isn’t acceptable in relationships, even if it means facing resistance.
Seeking Support: Finding people, groups, or professionals who understand and can provide validation and encouragement.
Rebuilding Identity: Rediscovering a sense of self separate from the roles imposed by others.

These changes are not easy. Healing requires more than addressing physical symptoms; it demands a radical reevaluation of emotional health and interpersonal dynamics.

A Call to Dignity and Respect

Every person deserves relationships where they are treated with dignity, respect, and care. When women are forced to suppress their emotions, prioritize others’ needs, and endure emotional abuse, they are robbed of their humanity. Worse, they are often blamed for their own suffering, further reinforcing cycles of shame and invisibility.

This isn’t just a personal issue; it’s a societal one. By normalizing respect, emotional accountability, and boundaries, we create environments where everyone—not just women—can thrive. But this requires collective effort, empathy, and a willingness to challenge deeply ingrained patterns.

Healing is a Radical Act of Love

For those living with autoimmune disease or navigating toxic dynamics, healing is more than physical recovery—it’s a radical act of self-love. It’s reclaiming the power to say, “I am worthy of care and respect, and I will no longer sacrifice my health for the comfort of others.”

This journey is deeply personal, but it’s one that can inspire others to reflect on their own behaviors and relationships. When we prioritize emotional health, we contribute to a culture of respect and accountability that benefits everyone.

Let this be a reminder: You are not alone. Your health matters. Your boundaries matter. And your decision to choose yourself is not just brave—it’s vital.